Celebrating Advent at Home

Advent is a special time in our family.  The word advent means coming and it's the time of year where we celebrate the coming of the Christ child.  Before Christmas, we quiet our hearts and let the simple, yet miraculous story of Christmas sink in.  We humble ourselves at the thought of God coming to us in human form, a child.

As a mother, one of my greatest joys is sharing these touching and life-changing stories with my kids.  And I have noticed something about the Christmas story in how it resonates deeply with children.  The fascination with babies and new life, and God lowering himself to become an equal to humankind, particularly an equal to children.  For children who often are left out, talked down to, and marginalized by adults in our world, this simple truth brings a message of great hope.

Today, I'm sharing a simple advent calendar/devotion (adapted from 1dogwoof.com) that we used in our family last year and plan to repeat in this coming season.  It is short and suitable for even very young children.  It tells the whole story of Christmas using scripture.  We were blessed by the opportunities it gave us to speak the gospel to our children.  We were surprised at how much impact it had on our then 3 year-old.  And besides, what child does not love a countdown to Christmas?!

We printed out the cards onto cardstock, and I had some helpers with cutting and gluing them onto some construction paper, which I numbered 1-25.  Then I used a Christmas card holder to display the cards.  If you know me, this is about as crafty as it gets for me!

Download the 25-day advent cards here.

We like to read the day's card at dinnertime, when we are all at the table already, and we take the opportunity to incorporate the scripture passage into our mealtime prayers.
 

Would you like to do more to bring the Christmas story home to your family?  Try some of these ideas too.

• Have a nativity scene in your home that is within reach of your kids, and let them play with it.
• Read children's literature that celebrates and depicts the biblical story of Christmas.
• Decorate your home for Christmas as a family and talk about why Christmas is meaningful to your faith.  Do your decoration choices point your children toward the true meaning of Christmas?
• Use an advent candle wreath along with the devotional cards (a new candle is lit each week).  We love a candlelit dinner and the kids love blowing out the candles afterward!
• At least once during the holidays, read through the entire account of Christ's birth in Luke 2.  Act out the story with a nativity or yourselves.  We do this on Christmas morning before we open presents.  If your kids are old enough, have them read aloud or play a speaking part.
• Play Christmas hymns and music with spiritual meaning in your home in lieu of secular Christmas songs.

We'd love to hear about other ways you enrich your family during Advent and Christmas!

the angel appearing to Mary (Christmas morning last year)

On Homemaking (and Homewrecking)

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. Proverbs 14:1

I read this verse about a month ago, and it was so convicting to me that I haven't been able to forget it.  Every day since then, it has been going on in my head, a true convicting of the Spirit.

I have a sincere desire to build my house - to build up our home and family.  And I, like many other wives and mothers, spend so much of my time and energy investing in my family.  I take care of my home in an attempt to make it an inviting place for us.  I spend time with my kids, attending to their needs.  I feed my family, planning and cooking food that they (mostly) enjoy and is (mostly) nutritious and keeps us in good health.  I love our kids and tell them often and give lots of physical affection.  I seek to help them grow and develop, and I discipline them.  I take interest in their interests and give them ways to explore them.  I notice their weaknesses and give encouragement, patience, and grace.  I listen to my husband, his concerns and triumphs, and support him in his work.  I am an encourager to him, a source of love, and a partner in parenting.

There are so many ways I can and do build up my house!  But after all this building, I too often use my own hands to tear it all apart.  A harsh word leaves little thought to love and affection.  Laziness breeds selfishness.  Lack of discipline leaves our kids feeling unstructured and insecure.  Fighting with my husband leaves dissension that affects not only us but our kids also.  Failure to encourage him leaves him stressed and unable to truly enjoy being with me.  And its so easy for me to blame others for the destruction in our family - when I ought to spend more time protecting and defending what I have been busy building.

This imagery has been so powerful to me.  Every decision I make either builds up a strong wall or knocks it down.  And I have started asking myself - before I pick a fight with my husband or respond in anger to my kids - is this going to build my house?  Or am I just tearing down what I built earlier?   There is nothing more foolish than a builder tearing down her own handiwork.

I'm praying lately that God would give me the strength and wisdom to build.  What decisions have you been making lately that are tearing down your house?

Relationships and a cup of tea

These words were shared during a talk I gave at our church's Ladies' Tea event last week. Grab a warm cup of tea and enjoy the read! :)

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A few years ago I read about this study where researchers discovered that when a person held a hot beverage, he or she was more likely to make positive judgments and statements about others.  They also found that people who held something warm were more likely to make decisions to be generous to others.  For awhile now I've joked with John how this proves that it’s in his best interest to stick a warm cup of coffee in my hands first thing in the morning!

It's amazing how a simple cup of tea could really change a relationship.  I find it silly that we as humans can be so affected by something as seemingly meaningless as a cup of coffee or tea in our hands.  It makes me wonder how many of my relationships are shaped by trivial circumstances... something like what kind of mood I am in, or how tired I am... whether I am hungry or feeling rushed.   And I wonder how many times a difficulty in a relationship could be prevented by a simple attitude shift.

There IS something about sitting down and holding that warm cup of tea during a conversation - it says, "I am present in this moment, I am investing in this moment, this person."  And we probably don't do this enough with the people in our lives.   We have lots of ways of shutting out the real relationships.  Keeping life busy, dealing with kids, work issues, housework... turning on the TV or checking the phone... we seem to be pretty good at finding excuses to get OUT of relationships.

The book of proverbs has a funny way of putting it.  It says,
"Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox." (Proverbs 14:4)

So what does that say about friendship?  This scripture points to the fact that friendships, and all relationships, are just plain messy.  It goes even as far to say that they are messy like the kind of mess an ox leaves in its stall!  Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.  A wise farmer will aim for abundant crops over a clean barn!

If you refuse to invest in friendships and if you don't like your family, if you push people away who are close to you - your life will be cleaner.  But you will get about as far in life as a farmer without a plow.  You won't accomplish much in your life, and God will be unable to use you to accomplish the work he has for you.  I want you to really hear that – without investing in relationships, including the hard ones, God will be unable to use you to do his work.

God's heart is bent toward genuine relationships.  It is why he created us to need relationships, it's why he seeks relationship with us so intently, and it's why he built his whole mission in this world around our relationships with each other.  You may have heard the term for this used so often in scripture - God calls us, collectively, the body of Christ.  The apostle Paul stated it quite vividly when he said we are all joined and held together by every supporting ligament!  (Eph 4:16) We cannot get anywhere alone.

Paul goes on to give us some advice for keeping in unity with one another. He says:
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:25, 29, 31-32)

People are messy - we all know this from personal experience.  We get on each other's nerves, we disappoint each other.  We expect too much out of other people.  We get hurt, we get mad and bitter, and we let sin destroy our relationships.  We feel vulnerable and refuse to get too close to anyone.

If you are having difficulty with relationships in your life, or keeping a "safe distance" with others at church, I ask you to consider how you might have the opportunity to heal wounds and build bridges, even if you have become accustomed to placing blame and fault on others.  Ask God to stick a warm cup of tea in your hands and give you eyes to see others through his vision and his forgiving heart.  Let's welcome each other, along with the mess, and get ready to experience a more abundant life, a bountiful harvest, and a deeper unity as the body of Christ.

Rethinking Christmas Giving

Thanksgiving dinner is officially over and Christmas is almost here!  Last year I had a guest post on a friend's blog on holiday giving, challenging us all to give more simply and make a difference for the poor and hurting of the world.  An excerpt is below.

During the holiday season last year, my side of the family decided to challenge each other in giving only handmade, used, or repurposed gifts, with very limited spending.  The point was to be less focused on ourselves during the holidays and more able to give to others and help those in need.  In the weeks before Christmas, we had to get creative, and gift-making took a little extra time, but we spent most of the time working together as a couple.  Better yet, we completely avoided the mall and all retail stores.  The result was a relatively peaceful Christmas, and one that was certainly more appropriately focused on Christ and showing genuine love to our friends and family through our gifts.  Our gifts weren't lavish or extreme, but we were more excited about giving them away since so much more of our personal thoughts and efforts had gone into them.  At least when we compared it to our typical - pick item off of a list, drive to the store, purchase, wrap.

Would you like to make your Christmas simple and affordable?  Try some of these tips and challenge others in your giving circles to do the same. . . . .

Click here to read the whole post along with some easy, practical tips to simplify your giving this year!

I challenge you to take a look at your family's plans for gift-giving this season and think about what God might be calling you to do in order to bless those who are really in need.  This season is, after all, solely about him and his true generosity toward us.

I also wanted to share some great resources and retailers for holiday shopping, along with charitable causes that are worth looking at.  We have had personal experience with all of these in some way and highly recommend them.  We'd love to hear about the charitable causes you support or your favorite places to buy slave-free, fair trade, or charitable products for your loved ones.  Leave us a comment below and share with us!  Do you have any unique "simple giving" traditions in your family?

Charitable Causes

Compassion International - Kiva - Michigan Abolitionist Project - Dagbe -  International Justice Mission - The Salvation Army

Vendors

Better Way Imports - Women at Risk - Sak Saum - Senda Althetics - Ten Thousand Villages

If you are local to Michigan, there are some marketplaces and events coming up next weekend where you can buy fair trade gifts from artisans.  Many of the products offered are made directly by individuals who have been rescued from slavery and your purchase helps ensure freedom and a living wage.  Do you know of any other fair trade marketplaces coming up?  Please share below!

Freedom Marketplace

December 7, 9am-1pm in Warren, MI

Free open house - open to the public
we'll be here!

Joy to the World

December 7, 2pm-5pm in Brighton, MI
A women's event - tickets $10

Justice Market

December 7, 1:30pm - 4pm in Livonia, MI

A women's event - FREE

On Being Thankful

I have been going through a bible study focused on thankfulness over the past two weeks.  After coming head-to-head with some of the most well-known scriptures on thanksgiving and gratitude, I am beginning to understand how limited my view of thankfulness really is.  I'm learning a lot and since it is timely, I'd like to share some thoughts as we approach this week and the Thanksgiving holiday.

Thankfulness is not a feeling.
Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him, tell of all his wondrous works! 1 Chronicles 16:8

When I come across the topic of thankfulness, I usually start to make a catalog of all the good gifts God has given me, and it then of course reminds me how much I really take the blessings in my life for granted.  But I am learning that even if I simply recognized God's gifts, I would still be so far away from the kind of thankfulness God desires.

In other words, the age-old advice to "count your blessings" falls incredibly short.  To be truly thankful people, we must MAKE KNOWN his deeds and TELL of his works.  Simply making a mental note (or even a written one!) of "what I am thankful for" is not enough.  We must tell others the personal story of God at work in our lives - not only to a select few, but on a widespread scale.  This means that we should remind ourselves often of God's work and take every opportunity to acknowledge to others that all good things in our lives come from God.  We need to stop taking personal credit for things that God has done.  Thankfulness is so much more than a feeling; it is a way of life that seeks to glorify God in every moment.

Thankfulness is not dependent on good circumstances.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

So what about when we can't find much good around us?  How can we be thankful then, too?  When you serve a God who is in his essence full of goodness and love, thankful living doesn't depend on our circumstances.

Give thanks in all circumstances.  God is calling me to look past my own opinions about my life and instead celebrate his goodness.  No matter how I am struggling, God is still good, and God is still the ultimate king of my life, and I am his dear child.  I think there is also good reason that this high call to rejoice always is accompanied by some key advice - pray without ceasing.

Thankfulness is not quiet.
Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the the rock of our salvation.  Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! Psalm 95:1-2

Thankful living is not a quiet, reserved way of life.  The problem is that we tend to make all kinds of noise when we grumble, complain, or feel dissatisfied with our lives, and we bring God loud dishonor instead of praises.  Making a joyful noise brings God into the spotlight instead of us, and shows others who he really is and what he means to us.

So I'll leave you with this question:  what kind of noise are you making?

The Outward-Focused Family

Tim was part of my family for a few years.

I first met him when I wasn't even 10 years old and I had no idea who Tim was.  He wasn't related to anyone.  I didn't particularly like him, either.  He smelled like cigarettes.  

But there he was, sitting at our Thanksgiving table, heaping Jello on his plate at Christmas, and observing the conversation like he was one of us.

My parents first told my brothers and me about Tim as we drove to our grandparents house for Thanksgiving dinner.  He didn't have anywhere else to be on the holidays, they said.  He had known the family for a while, and we were going to treat him like part of the family.

OK, we said.  

But the whole idea sounded weird to me.  My problem was I liked my family.  I liked being around people I knew - people like me.  I wanted to spend those holiday moments with the same people every year.  Isn't that what family is all about?

Do you see the inherent danger that faces any group that prides itself on being close like a family?  The focus easily turns so inward that there is no more room at the table.  There is no extra Jello to pass around.  The group members might go on and on about how much they care, support, encourage, and listen, but all of those benefits are limited to a select few.  If you're not one of us, the message is clear: you'd better find another place.

My grandparents (and parents) taught me that family can look different.  Family has the power to extend the incredible gift of belonging.  But every family - and every group that acts like a family - has a choice.  They can keep the gift for themselves.  Or they can offer the gift to others.

At first, it felt strange to me.  But over time, as we welcomed more "Tims" to the table, I came to realize that this was part of who my family was.  We did not hoard the blessing of belonging.  We extended it.  Freely.  Joyfully.

God designed his family to work this way.  He chose a family - Abraham's family - and promised to bless the entire world through that one family.  Fast forward to several years after Easter and some early Jewish Christians believed that God's promises and blessings were reserved for them.  The gifts were meant for God's family, and in their thinking that excluded the Gentiles.  Paul and the other apostles firmly resisted this inward focus.  Writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul reveals the "mystery of Christ" - the surprising, unexpected twist that no one except God saw coming - "that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel" (Ephesians 3:6).

God's family is designed to be an outward-focused family.  It seeks to extend the blessing of belonging beyond itself.  This is how love multiplies.

Think about the groups you are in - your family, your church, your closest circle of friends, maybe your small group.  Do these groups have the tendency to keep the blessing of belonging for themselves?  What specific ways can you begin to extend that blessing to others?

Miscarriage and a God Who Sees

October marks National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month. I've thought about writing on this topic for awhile, but I can never seem to find the words.  October is a particularly fitting month for our family too, since it is the anniversary of our baby's expected due date, the child we will never meet or know in this lifetime.

I remember it well - it was fairly early in my pregnancy, and even though I was almost sure the bad news was coming, that empty ultrasound, that sure confirmation, it hit me immediately in a tidal wave of grief.  The coming weeks were met with physical pain, sadness, confusion, and depression.  And the roller coaster of hormones and emotional instability that I remembered from being postpartum with my first child, well, that was there too, and would be for weeks.  Except this time, there was no baby.

no baby.

In a matter of weeks we had arranged ourselves excitingly around this precious little one.  Now, we had grief.  And yet, in the midst of this unexpected tragedy, the demands of life continued.  Only a few close family and friends really knew what had happened, and even fewer could really understand.  We had a child to care for, work schedules to attend to, and a large financial burden of medical bills associated with our loss.

even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. (Ps 139:12)

I kept trying to reason away my sadness.  I didn't even know this child.  I could try again.  But my sadness acknowledged that something significant had taken place, literally, within my own body. 
And at the heart of my grief was the awareness that God had created something beautiful and wonderful.
 
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. (Ps 139:13)

God is the creator, and no matter how much you argue the science of cells joining and dividing and growing, it takes something divine to match a soul up to a human person.  God did not create something temporary, he created someone eternal. So I praise him.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Ps 139:14)

God doesn't promise to keep us from the tragedies of the world, and sometimes it hurts.  It really hurts.  There are a million horrors in this broken world, bringing us and our fellow man deep chasms of pain and unrest.  In the case of my child, I have learned to have peace in the not-knowing, in laying my life and the lives of those around me into the Hands that formed and began us all, the God and author of my soul.  Whom else could be better trusted with my life?

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  (Ps 139:15)

Someday as we approach the throne of God, we will worship with all of the souls of heaven.  We will worship with the souls of pregnancies lost, stillborn babies, infants who died too soon.  We will worship with the souls unknown except by God, with those unwanted and those deemed unnecessary.  God has redeemed that which is broken and dead, and has seen and saved those who have gone unseen by man.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Ps 139:16)

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About 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, accounting for around 500,000 total losses each year in the US alone.  Today, I encourage you to pray for women and their families who experience loss, and become a voice of hope to prevent women and their loved ones from grieving in silence.  May we value and love every little life created by God.