Relationships and a cup of tea

These words were shared during a talk I gave at our church's Ladies' Tea event last week. Grab a warm cup of tea and enjoy the read! :)

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A few years ago I read about this study where researchers discovered that when a person held a hot beverage, he or she was more likely to make positive judgments and statements about others.  They also found that people who held something warm were more likely to make decisions to be generous to others.  For awhile now I've joked with John how this proves that it’s in his best interest to stick a warm cup of coffee in my hands first thing in the morning!

It's amazing how a simple cup of tea could really change a relationship.  I find it silly that we as humans can be so affected by something as seemingly meaningless as a cup of coffee or tea in our hands.  It makes me wonder how many of my relationships are shaped by trivial circumstances... something like what kind of mood I am in, or how tired I am... whether I am hungry or feeling rushed.   And I wonder how many times a difficulty in a relationship could be prevented by a simple attitude shift.

There IS something about sitting down and holding that warm cup of tea during a conversation - it says, "I am present in this moment, I am investing in this moment, this person."  And we probably don't do this enough with the people in our lives.   We have lots of ways of shutting out the real relationships.  Keeping life busy, dealing with kids, work issues, housework... turning on the TV or checking the phone... we seem to be pretty good at finding excuses to get OUT of relationships.

The book of proverbs has a funny way of putting it.  It says,
"Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox." (Proverbs 14:4)

So what does that say about friendship?  This scripture points to the fact that friendships, and all relationships, are just plain messy.  It goes even as far to say that they are messy like the kind of mess an ox leaves in its stall!  Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.  A wise farmer will aim for abundant crops over a clean barn!

If you refuse to invest in friendships and if you don't like your family, if you push people away who are close to you - your life will be cleaner.  But you will get about as far in life as a farmer without a plow.  You won't accomplish much in your life, and God will be unable to use you to accomplish the work he has for you.  I want you to really hear that – without investing in relationships, including the hard ones, God will be unable to use you to do his work.

God's heart is bent toward genuine relationships.  It is why he created us to need relationships, it's why he seeks relationship with us so intently, and it's why he built his whole mission in this world around our relationships with each other.  You may have heard the term for this used so often in scripture - God calls us, collectively, the body of Christ.  The apostle Paul stated it quite vividly when he said we are all joined and held together by every supporting ligament!  (Eph 4:16) We cannot get anywhere alone.

Paul goes on to give us some advice for keeping in unity with one another. He says:
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:25, 29, 31-32)

People are messy - we all know this from personal experience.  We get on each other's nerves, we disappoint each other.  We expect too much out of other people.  We get hurt, we get mad and bitter, and we let sin destroy our relationships.  We feel vulnerable and refuse to get too close to anyone.

If you are having difficulty with relationships in your life, or keeping a "safe distance" with others at church, I ask you to consider how you might have the opportunity to heal wounds and build bridges, even if you have become accustomed to placing blame and fault on others.  Ask God to stick a warm cup of tea in your hands and give you eyes to see others through his vision and his forgiving heart.  Let's welcome each other, along with the mess, and get ready to experience a more abundant life, a bountiful harvest, and a deeper unity as the body of Christ.